The Things You Remember

I've written what I wanted to say in three different ways and deleted all three of them.  

Then I read this:

"I would rather look at life saying, "I tried and I failed than wondering "maybe?", "should I?" and always have that "kind of, what if" wonderment.  

Lots of things I want but they are not to be found here.  Believe me, I've looked. So, I leave and I do what I always wanted to do and I start fresh.....not over......just new and fresh.  I leave you behind and I take you with me in memories only,  Finally, I love those memories.  They were me then and they are me now.  It doesn't matter if you were never that person you seemed to be in those memories or you were and you changed or you're just fake.  I'm not letting you steal them from me the way I remember them. I'm not talking to just one person either...there are several. 

Is it looking back to what you leave if you take those memories with you and you enjoy them when you think of them?  It could be but it isn't going to be for me.  Just glad I had them....it no longer matters that they didn't last. 

Starting out when you're no longer that child taken care of by your parents you don't even think of the possibilities.  You live each day day to day.  Everything is a surprise.  Everyone wishes for their youth again and for life to be that way again.  Who knew that you could have that again when you're older?  I didn't but isn't it nice to know how to get it again?  

I love it....disappearing from this is going to feel good in itself.  

I look forward to the place where no one knows how to find me.  You know, I'm not going to be looking you up ever......any of you. 

Not sad. Just determined.  

And maybe, I'll just come back and delete this too.