Nothing is Forever

Crazy busy day today.  Somehow managed to get most things done before meeting with M for dinner.  Palmer's has new food!  Fig Prosciutto Flatbread and a new soup way too much like their spinach artichoke dip.  We went our separate ways.....M to a basketball game of course at the high school and me to my nail appointment.  

Let's talk Christmas and cooking cause that's what this is about. Kelly's mom cooks on Thanksgiving but Christmas with the S family is finger foods only.  I have to have Christmas dinner though so I've gotten into the habit of cooking it using my mom's recipes.  I invite all the "misfits" like me with no family/place to go to come eat that I know.  This year is different.  I went to the store today and got all my ingredients.  Left the turkey and strawberries out to thaw while I went to dinner with M and to the nail salon.  I'm cooking early since I'm leaving for vaca in a few days.  So, I can eat my Christmas dinner for several days before I go and then freeze the rest for later.  No misfits are coming this year.  S family Christmas is Sunday. Michelle, Marilyn, and I are spending Christmas Eve together at Marilyn's....brunch, champagne, talking, laughter.....maybe movies.....kicking the guys out to do their own thing. 

So, here I sit in my dad's pajama pants cinched tight at the waist because they are too big.  Just one of the things I took immediately after he died for mine to remember him by.  I think the turkey is finally thawed.  It gets to cook overnight of course.  Made the strawberry nut salad and cornbread dressing.  Then comes the three hour wait for the bottom part of the strawberry nut salad to gel while the dressing bakes.  My mom used to go to bed and set an alarm.  Not me.....started a nice long movie to watch for my three hour wait.  I'm not my mother.  Thank God. I really realize now that I don't like the smell of raw turkey,  

So, if it can happen then it will happen to me.  I get the boiling water in the strawberry jello powder and go to add the banana/pineapple mix and just plopped it in there.  Strawberry jello splashes everywhere.  My mom's recipe for dressing is now half red.  Red jello liquid everywhere.  I clean up and go to watch my movie only to discover it hit my face and my feet too.  You can imagine.  Somehow it missed my clothes thankfully.  My house smells good.  One of the things I always will remember about holidays is falling to sleep to these smells.  Waking up to these smells.  Hearing my mom get up off and on all night to do things to get the food ready.  

I guess it doesn't matter where I'm at.....I can still cook this meal.  Nothing is forever.  No one knows that better than I do.  

It is just bittersweet that one of the year after year memories that was a constant in my life can't be remembered with all the good feelings it should be.  It is still a constant reconciliation between what I knew and what I now know was really going on. I guess this is why I do this.  It is my memory and like I've said before.......I'm taking the good memories despite the people in them.