Can you be alone?
They call it codependency and it used to run rampant with girls. I've known some very codependent girls. One who caused me to waste a night in a hospital with her because she tried to kill herself over some guy. But she didn't you see. She only did it for the attention and drank enough alcohol so she could pretend she'd tried to kill herself. A year before that my uncle had killed himself. Someone I loved very much had threatened to in front of me not long after that. Suicide, at the time, was a very painful topic for me. She knew this about me yet called me from the hospital of all people and the very first thing she said was, "Did you bring (insert guy's name) because she had asked me to. I didn't call him or go over to where he lived. I wasn't getting involved in that mess between the two of them. Now, knowing what I know, I wouldn't even have gone to the hospital. I would have called her parents and let them deal with her.
I love the ones who immediately have another boyfriend or girlfriend after breaking up with one. I just don't see how that's possible. You need time to get over someone or either you didn't really care about them. Immediately going to someone else or looking for someone else or even contemplating when you'll find someone else is too much. Supposedly you need 3X as much time as you spent with someone to actually be all the way over them and your newly single self is going to jump into it with someone else a few months after a years-long marriage? One that involves 3 kids or any kids for that matter??
News Flash.....you are indeed codependent if you do those things. And there's a really good chance your relationship you're bouncing from didn't mean nearly as much to you as you thought it did or you were faking it because you just can't be ALONE.
My vote is faking it because you can't be alone because it also covers your relationship didn't mean what it appeared to mean to you too.
The tables have turned you see. I don't know a single codependent girl these days but almost every guy I know is indeed co-dependent. So much so that they way outweigh the girls I knew with their level of co-dependency.
One called me up a couple of years ago to ask if I was still going to be his friend even though him and my best friend got divorced. We talked and I asked him what he was going to do now. I meant where he was living, job, etc. and all he said to me was he was going to find him a girlfriend asap. Really??
Another I know who had a real knack for finding the worst girl he could really did it with the one he married. However, he tried to get her back on V Day this year.....finally saw that was never going to be and immediately went on a personal dating site and pretty much started looking for girls just to go on dates with in hopes of finding a new girlfriend to eventually turn into his wife. That didn't last long. Reality shock I guess.
Not my favorite but he's #2 of the ones I know. Three marriages. Cheated on both the first two wives. #2 wasn't so bad until she got jealous that we were hanging out because we were at a couple of parties altogether and honestly he paid more attention to me than her. She wasn't worth it so I just cut her off and have tried my best to stay away from her and will just ignore her if our paths do cross. Here comes drama. The problem was that he reminded me of my dad in some ways and he hadn't been dead long so it was all tied into that however we really did have a lot in common. It was a secret kind of thing and when we were in public around others was different than being alone. Here comes the fun part. He says he's never getting married again and he might have been fun but really, what girl is going to get serious with a guy they know has been married twice and cheated on both his wives? A codependent one...LMAO. That's not me. Then he meets this girl who is truly young enough to be his daughter....seriously. She knew what she was doing for sure but what she didn't count on is I'm a older than her with a lot more experience and I'm way too good at manipulating situations and I can be way too vindictive and focused on revenge when I want to be. I see your weakness every time and I'll always hit you there. Although, these days I'm practicing letting it go all the time. Forget the manipulations, revenge, and vindictiveness. But then I was out for her and their "thing" they had going on. I broke them up for over a year with very little effort at all and he thought I did something to make it happen too but I was not owning up to that. But you see he is indeed co-dependent so eventually you see things start to go in that direction. First hint was when he told me he could see himself married a third time.....reason being, who wants to be alone? Indeed. Let's not marry because we truly do love someone....let's marry just because we can't be alone. Codependent all the way. Eventually some other things I was going through got in the middle of that and I couldn't do it anymore. I just let it go with him and the whole thing. I guess without me messing with things life got easy and they got married 1 1/2 years later. Guarantee you if he isn't already cheating on her, it won't be long. Also, I could text him at work when I know she wouldn't be there and I can also guarantee you it would be back on again between us. She's either going to be stupid, young, and naive forever and not care if she does find out how he is or he's heading for his third divorce because he won't stay faithful to her. I have no interest in that now though so it won't be me who breaks them up again.
My #1 favorite......not discussing that one in detail. Kind of the same. Three marriages. Three kids. It worked once so I did it again and it worked again....even better than with #2. Natalie knew #2 and she was around for a lot of that. She was my evil elf who helped somewhat. This time she wasn't and she got on me when I told her I did it again but even better and more thorough this time. Eventually she saw the light though. I make no effort. I don't make them decide to cheat. That's their decision. N and I disagreed a little about my intentions but the evidence proves what mine were and what his were and they weren't the same. He's probably already looking for and wanting that next one who can be wife #4. Four....four....four....really?? That isn't a clue you have an issue when they are all the same every time for the most part?
I'm not a practicing vindictive and revengeful manipulator at this time. I wasn't feeling bad or sorry at all though until I realized the WHY behind why I got involved with #2 or #1 at all and the WHY I did what I did. #2...who cares. #1.....got the worst of it. I might explain the why....might even apologize for one thing and one thing only but we will just let fate, the world, God, whatever you want to call it see if that one ever crosses over the wall into my life again.
Did I mention I'm just a year's practicum away from having my Master's in Counseling? I don't intend to finish it and graduate with that degree though. Really, life has been screwed up enough with my own problems that getting involved with other's problems no longer has an appeal to me.
I can be alone just fine....never understood the codependent thing really.
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