Then there was today. Nothing is as good as being there when karma goes down on those who truly deserve it. It is good when you know you had a hand in it but it might be better when you didn't......you are just a witness to it. Welcome to my day today. Loved all that came out in the Cohen hearing too. Made my day.
That FB memories thing/on this day thing gets you every time. Today's treat:
Carrabelle Beach Trip......Angel, Natalie, and me
Natalie's mom had a beach trailer on Carrabelle Island. For remembrance's sake...... Natalie came and picked me up. I was wearing my "Fuck Your Bad Vibes" shirt because that was the mood with a normal hoodie over it to zip up when needed. We called ourselves the Gone Girls. Met up with Angel near where she lived down south where her hubby brought her to meet up with us. She had Skinny Pop as a snack for the car ride. First time I got turned onto it. Natalie drove of course...she always has to drive. Chick fil a for dinner. Kind of late when we got there but not too bad. This was the trip of the cheesy or not horror movies. You'd have to be there but Angel named the house that night the Knick Knack House of Horrors. Oh, the laughter. The silliness and craziness that only goes on when you're with your best friends on a road trip/vaca. It hadn't been long since Angel had been told she was in remission from her leukemia. However, she was sick one day while we were down there and we didn't know it then but her cancer was back. She just wasn't going to the doctor and wasn't telling anyone. Maybe she wanted to have some normal for a few months.
I text Natalie that four years ago we were at Carrabelle and she texts me back that she just randomly found the pictures she got developed for us from that trip today but didn't realize it had been four years.
We talked about Angel for a minute. Her funeral was a bad day. I've never seen Natalie like that before. Eyes and face swollen....no smile....and such a look of despair, I guess you'd say, on her face all day. She left pretty fast after the graveside service and didn't go to the church for food. She called me and texted me later that night. The little mess had driven to Alabama drinking the whole way to see Brian, her ex. Don't ask. I stayed up late on the phone with her getting her through that one while she sat at his kitchen table trying to get sober. All that after Clara and I had been to the Butch concert that night. Things end up funny. I thought we were behind the orchestra pit but nope, we were in it. Second row center....I needed that and I guess I was cried out because not a single song made me cry for a change.
Several significant things to think about tonight because of this memory popping up.
Should have known at the church for food about two of the people with me that I no longer am friends with. When I went up to talk to Angel's mom she started crying when she was telling me things Angel had said about me and what I meant to her. So, I started crying. T asked me later why I cried at all that day. Hello, should have known right then and there about her. Little Ms. No Feelings which I really came to find out later. Then N was too concerned about taking home plates of as much food as she could. Don't remember her crying either. So, Natalie, Clara, and I were the only ones who actually felt something that day?? Whatever......
What I told Nat tonight.....
You know one of the things I miss about Angel the most is you could always talk to her and count on good feedback that made sense when you needed it most.
And I always tried to be more like her. She was more patient, more tolerable, and a lot more but she just had a way of accepting things people did without thinking they were about her. Except when she threw the guy's Christmas present in the ditch that time. LOL
And it was like she knew when you needed someone to say or do something nice to or for you and she just did it. Surprise!
It's a shame we don't do much together anymore Nat. Like we had to have Angel to bring us together and we don't!
I think things would have been a lot different the past three years had Angel been still alive. I know they would have been.
Angel is definitely one of the most caring and kind people I've ever known but she was not boring and she certainly did stick up for herself. She believed in herself and others too. Why I always wanted to be more like her.......
I doubt it though. No one could be her. I'd like to think one day I meet someone like her though because with someone like that who is so caring and kind it brings it out in you. After my dad died, many times when I'd try to be by myself somehow she knew and she found me where I went. I want to meet someone else like her because she made it so easy to do anything for her because she did anything for you. We never had one single fight. It was just always good. Laughing, fun, crazy and just good. I used to be the one who was like that with others no matter what in my teens and early/mid twenties but then you meet up with other people who don't want that or appreciate it and you learn to not be that way. You want to be. I still want to be sometimes with some people but it just makes you feel stupid and taken advantage of when they treat you like crap and take advantage of that. So, how did she make it through life still staying that way and not letting it change her when others didn't like it because she was that way? That's the question.
I don't know but I will hold on to what G said to me a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about the sixth months I took care of my mom all by myself. He says I'm exceptional. Somebody sees it anyway. He isn't the only one but he said it at a time I needed to hear it. Hell, right now I need nothing but nice and caring and kind and please, please, please don't think you're bringing your crazy ass around me if that isn't you. I might not appreciate it but it is you who will suffer for it. I will always make sure, if I care at all, that you will go through bad things like you've never known and you WILL feel worse than you ever made me feel. And I will enjoy every second of it. I won't be sorry either. But then if I just don't care, you're just dead to me. Karma can have you then because everyone gets theirs.
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