Wild Horses

I simply don't want to forget and I'm too tired to write it so.......


Last week I was at Disney for their Halloween party on my Fall Break with about 20 people I work with.  I love Halloween, scary, ghosts, and just anything like that so I was in heaven.  I'm lucky to have found a place to work where half the people I work with love Disney as much as I do.  

The parade started out every night with cracks of thunder and then the Headless Horseman trotting his horse down the street through the park.  It was something else.....especially later when you could have your picture made with him.  

Anyway, I came home and my very first day back driving to work there is this car coming towards me flashing their lights with three other cars behind them and they are all driving slowly.  The lights blinded me but when I got close to them I saw that there were three beautiful horses running free down the road in front of the car.  The first one was black and the other two were brownish red.  I know I should count myself lucky that they didn't run into any of the cars there....including mine.  I had two cars behind me also.  But there they ran between the two lanes on a very dark road in a totally rural area but somewhat in the other lane in front of the car coming towards me.  Part of me is glad that they are surely back in their fence safe and sound.  But then there is the part of me that just watched them as I came to almost a complete stop not to hit them.  Their wild beauty as they were out of their fence and free......just running.  I could never truly say how it made me feel but it was good.  I want to feel that free all the time and I've figured out how to a lot of the time finally.  

Then something else that means something to me right now.  I went to see one of my favorite singers who used to head up a favorite band many years ago with my favorite college roomie.  He sings this song that I've always seen the beauty in it and how perfect it is even though it isn't personal to me.  The whole song is moving and perfect but when he sings these lines.......Well tell me when the kiss of love becomes a lie...... with such passion and truth and the way he breaks up the words and wrote the music to go with them......perfection.  I could listen to that line over and over and I do listen to the song over and over.  The more you listen, the more you love it.  And it means nothing personal to me.  It is just an amazingly written song sung by one of the best singers I've ever heard who sings it with such meaning and passion that you know it meant something to him and still does.  I think it is the passion he puts into it I love so much.  Few people are that passionate about anything good.  

So, here life is.......I moved and I found the new job and I went through one of the worst things I've ever been through during the time I moved and was unpacking and finishing out my last few weeks at one job into the time before I started the new job. For the first time ever, I was scared of where the things going on took me.  I consider myself lucky and I will never be there in that place again.  That I know.  

Truth is not letting the same person or people have new opportunities to disappoint you or hurt you.  What is even more important is don't let ANYONE have any opportunities to disappoint or hurt you.  That. So, stay away.....I make sure they do.  

But don't worry......I'm watching.  Those who've tried in the past or even succeeded (although I doubt they know it or some even care) still get theirs.  I'm still that person and I'm still messing with you.  You'll never know but all the bad you go through......comes from me.  Focusing.  Concentrating.  Making it happen to you.  Enjoying when once more I read or hear of your latest sad tale of what bad happened to you.  Good.  There could never be enough bad to come your way.  Maybe one day you'll realize where you went wrong, that you screwed yourself over, and that you picked the wrong person to be an ass to.  But I doubt it.  You'll go to your grave and never get it.  Ever. Who is better off? Me.....despite it all.  Me. Me. Me. 

Stupid people......my circle knows me and loves me and things are amazing there.  You missed out majorly in more ways than one.  

Hit another milestone.......net worth is now over half a mil and heading towards that million in 5-6 years.  

Took a lot of years, tears, meltdowns, and hitting rock bottom over and over but I'm still standing.  Stronger than ever.  No one will ruin that because I don't give anyone the chance.  You're in the circle you stay.....you're not then you'll never get in.  

Yeah, I have strong feelings about what I love which is sometimes experiences and sometimes something like that song I love so much right now.  But I something I have is just as important.  Unless you are me and you're not where I'm finally at then you won't get it.  For the first time ever, I truly have the ability to 100% not care about things, situations, people, and absolutely anything I don't want to.  That is freedom.  Wild horse freedom.