The trash man hates me probably because of all the stuff I throw away every single week. Trips to the dump to get rid of the big stuff.....furniture, etc. Cleaning out closets and storage and anything possible that has junk in it I don't need. Giving things away.
But my biggest step was last week. I had to share my decision with those that count that I was most likely resigning from my job. That one made me hit the wall of reality. That's a scary thing. Probably the most unstable you can feel is not having a job. Even if you know you'll get one. So, I backed down a little bit and thought maybe I'll stick around one more year. That's copping out.
Then, last night I was talking to a friend I haven't talked to in months and telling her my plans for the future. She was 100% in support of my plans and said not to back down and let the overwhelming amount of work to make this happen stop me from doing it. So, now I'm back to planning for it. Still daunting when you think of actually being there (where you really want to be) and making it through all the hurdles to get there. It is daunting to think of being there and not getting that job. I have to believe in myself the way I used to before all the bad beat me down so much to this person I don't know. I have to believe that things work out the way they are supposed to like I used to.
I have to let go of the nostalgia of the past which is LONG gone and look bravely into the face of the unknown because one thing I do know every second of every minute of every hour of every day is that I am homesick for the place I have never truly known.....not for always but just enough to know I want it to be my always.
I have no idea what the future will bring but I have to try. I can't stay stuck here and be unhappy and actually hate just about everything about it here. I can't waste my life like that anymore.
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