The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good is the one that is hardest to remember is actually there in a time when it is definitely habit to not even feel the good.  Sad thing that is....not to be able to even FEEL when something is good because things have even been so bad for so long, there are things that bring me to the ground with the heartbreak of them and I suspect always will, and day after day there is the constant unexpected treatment you just don't expect. You think people see but they don't.  Misunderstandings or their own alternative reality as someone said to me this week.  Who knows?  I could live without that last one for sure.  The first two I know will always be there and I'm too used to them.  Behind it all is that sadness that any new situation will just be like the old ones but you hope and trust anyway.  I don't understand seems to be my mantra.  I don't think I ever will.  

But there are things I know that make me stronger than ever.  Things I've seen come to the forefront that I didn't even know could ever.  
1. I've learned what it is truly like not to obsess over something unless you're planning on the best way to deal with it. 
2. I've learned truly not to care......what matters and what doesn't.  
3. I've learned to stop waiting and to make what I want happen.
4. I've learned what it really means to be alone and how good that can be.  
5. I've learned being alone doesn't mean there are things you can't do.  
6. I've learned to leave things alone. 

The bad........and it is ugly too........
When it comes down to it there is a story here that goes back a whole lot of years.  When you've lived the story and survived the story and you're still enjoying the things you always have while finding new things to love, then you realize none of it destroyed you.  That's why no one will ever win.  I win.  I always will.  Take your best shot.  Try your best.  It doesn't matter.  You don't matter. 

This one week involved getting front row tickets to my favorite band, my new phone, my tax return, finding out I didn't owe a single penny on my inheritance, my favorite tv show coming out on dvd, seeing the karma someone experienced that I knew they needed, and something it seems like I'm forgetting.  

Then there is the person who tried to do their worst.  But they don't get it.  There isn't a thing they could possibly do to me that even matters.  I've learned to play the game and I play it better than anyone else.  You'll regret going up against me every time....that I can promise you.  I could give you a list of those to talk to that have tried it before......see what happened to them.  :)

Manipulative much? You might see it that way.