Maybe I get it now.....that thing you've thought about for years but never really understood it or thought it would be something you did. You'd never need to but then you finally find your self in the place where you have to. Self-preservation you see because rock bottom has a basement it turns out. Turns out there is really only one way to make sure you never go through what brought you to that basement. You call the shots. You stop being the one who always forgives, who is always there no matter what, who is always giving chance after chance and you finally STOP. You see because it is easier to be the one who ends things and moves on, not looking back eventually but first you have to go back and forth and back and forth for awhile until you're all the way past it. That is the hard part but once you are past it, you are past it. Anyone who waits and waits and puts you in that place has no business coming back around so you make sure they can't.
Chances are no one will notice or care. They might notice but they won't care enough to do anything about it. Only know two people who have and one person who acted like they were but really didn't have any intention of following through. One of the two people actually stuck around too.
Really makes you wonder how certain people can feel the same way but would rather be alone still. I'd rather not and I may be down to the few but that's okay.....at least I know for sure they will never put me in that place these others have. Ever. That I know.
The Random is:
I forget sometimes how much I absolutely adore music until I go hear it live. Then I feel truly alive and on a high for a little while.
I wouldn't trade the gifts I was born with for anything. I've always been able to "hear" and sometimes see dead people. Then I met someone as an adult who showed me it wasn't random....I could actually make it happen by being open to it all the way and looking for it. Turns out I'm a medium. This past weekend I was able to communicate with someone else but I'm not sure they liked someone like me being in their "space" because they put pressure on my chest and it didn't disappear until I left the area. It was getting firmer so I was glad I left when I did. Obviously, they didn't want to talk to me.
Another gift is my ability to move things. Now I only did that once because I was thinking bad thoughts towards someone I could see and moving something caused them to get hurt. So now I make sure I'm not around the person I'm wishing bad on. Maybe it sounds mean but what it really is is speeding up karma for people that just aren't good people. Funny thing is only one of them knew their "bad" luck was caused by me. They don't know why this stuff happens to them and I'm laughing all the time.
I'm going to make it through this. I don't know what the future holds completely but I do know I'm free and my future is what I want it to be. Part of it I do know because I will have that thing....the thing more important that anything to me. And I always have my freedom.
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